Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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