You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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