does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
