I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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