you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
