Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
