I think I died a long time ago.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
