I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
