come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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