I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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