you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
