did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
