Jerry, you need to find god
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
