No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
