around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
