In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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