Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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