It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize