wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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