Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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