allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
