there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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