sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
