So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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