you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
