Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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