And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
