You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
