I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
