hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
