I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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