Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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