Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
