fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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