I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize