we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm passing your future prison.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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