I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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