ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
BRING THE BAGELS
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
