what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
