I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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