Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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