it was like his penis was on wheels.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And then he peed in my hair
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