Is it normal to miss your booty call?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
