I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
