Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
