Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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