sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
