just tell him i said nine months
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
