Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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