im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
