Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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