How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
