I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
