If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
