does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
