they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Who died my cat blue again?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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