I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
