No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
