Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
