a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
