omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
