try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
