He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
