I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
