He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
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Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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