My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
