Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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