I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
