why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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