I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
