bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
