I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
