Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
