i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
