And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
