Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
