I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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