Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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