Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
